So I haven't written anything in quite some time. Not sure why, because it's not that I've been too busy. I guess my mind has simply been preoccupied.
This chapter of my life is coming to a close and a new one is about to begin and I feel stuck in an odd limbo because of it. Honestly I'm not too happy with where I am right now emotionally. Not sure why, but I've been living on my own agenda the past couple weeks and it's not working out for me. It leaves me feeling insecure, alone, and having desires of filling the void with superfluous things. Don't get me wrong because things in my life are going incredibly well and I definitely could not ask for more as far as my "outer layer" is concerned. My life is perfect and I am blessed beyond all measure. But it's the inside, the heart, that is struggling a bit right now. Because everything keeps happening and things are seemingly going so fast it feels like I can barely keep up, which leaves me feeling like I'm just existing... existing one day at a time and waiting for the next to come. I finish one routine and wait for the next to start. It's a cycle that happens one day at a time and then starts over the next. Somehow I'm left feeling like I'm merely existing and not truly living. It's really a terrible feeling because I know I am called to go beyond just existing, but I'm not sure how to break free of it right now. This is a personal struggle that comes up time and time again in my life, and I know that I simply need to see it through and need to refocus my attention and get back on track. Part of me is really upset with myself because I have just gotten really lazy and unfocused. For me the root of it all is whenever I simply get comfortable with things and stop putting forth effort. I am so caught up in what's to come that I have forgotten to focus on the now. Currently I am not living to my full potential and I'm somewhat just wasting away. A bit overly dramatic I'm sure (but that's just me)... I just need to refocus!
As for my "outer shell"... goodness, I'm so happy I could burst! I will write about that soon, but for now I need to get off here and focus some.
To be continued...
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